By: Nicole Gervasi, MS, OTR/L

Regulation is the ability to adjust in response to external changes. It involves making adaptive responses following changes in the surrounding environment or in the demands of a presenting situation. Most often, we think of regulation in terms of self-regulation. That is, one’s ability to maintain a regulated state. When a child has difficulty with self-regulation, we see dysregulation and maladaptive responses. Some signs of dysregulation include difficulty maintaining focused attention or purposeful engagement and interactions. Difficulty with self-regulation may also cause a fight (attacking behaviors), flight (trying to escape the situation), or freight (avoidance) response. Sensory input is used preventatively to improve self-regulation and achieve a “just right zone” for learning and participation. The ability to self-regulate takes time and is not a skill that can be developed overnight. Thankfully, we can co-regulate with others as self-regulation develops.

Co-regulation is an interactive, supportive partnership. It is the way one adjusts and regulates themself to provide regulatory support within relationships. If you are a parent or caregiver, you’ve likely used co-regulation with infants and young children. You provided support, comfort, and worked to meet the needs of a young child who was unable to provide for himself. These principles remain the same for use with children who are working to develop self-regulation skills.

It is important to note that during co-regulation, actions are influenced, not controlled, by another person’s actions. Co-regulation involves detecting other’s feelings and intentions, sometimes out of our own awareness, to promote regulation.

Co-regulating encompasses several strategies to promote success.

  • Provide empathy.

Remember that self-regulation is a skill and during times of dysregulation, often our emotional brain overrides our logical brain. Be empathetic towards this and remember that your tone and expressions matter and can greatly work to your benefit to promote a sense of calm.

  • Provide a safe environment.

Remind your child that you are there for them and it’s okay to be mad or sad. Validate their feelings and offer responsive solutions or alternatives as needed. For example, in the midst of a “fight” response, it’s okay to tell your child that it’s not okay to hit you, but that they may hit the nearby pillow instead. We are likely going to be more successful redirecting a behavior, rather than stopping it altogether, during dysregulation.

  • Model self-regulation skills.

As a parent or caregiver, you have the great opportunity to be a calm leader and model regulation. Deep breathing is hugely powerful in promoting regulation. Modeling deep breathing not only helps to keep you regulated during times of stress, but through co-regulation, many children begin to slow their breathing in response to you. Consider offering a hug. You may or may not want to use language to communicate your offer. Sometimes a gesture is enough and the deep touch is calming for both you and your child.

  • Have patience.

Generally speaking, calming effects take time. Give your child time to take in all the support you are offering. Monitor your child for signs of calm and/or engagement before moving away from offering full-fledged regulatory support.

The intricacy of co-regulation and individuality of each child means there may be a trial period before finding your “just right” approach. The above strategies are meant to be used as a guide, but please know that each situation will look different. If you have any questions regarding self-regulation or co-regulation, be sure to reach out to one of our occupational therapists to learn more or read about self-regulation here.